So many thoughts...

I don't know where to start! I've had so many thoughts and challenges placed in my mind since Wednesday and I have no idea how to hold onto everything or how to sort through it all. I'm sure I've forgotten over half the things I learned (which I hope isn't really true). I hope I've retained things somewhere in my brain, even if I can't get to them right now. I'll have to trust God with that one.

Friday I met up with Alan, his wife Julie and the interns to go camping in Canyon City. I was looking forward to it so much, and it turned out to be better than I hoped it would be. We drove about an hour in the party bus , passed the skydiving place where Alan proposed to Julie and then made it to the campground. I had been craving to spend time alone with God in his creation and this camping retreat was exactly what I needed. After lunch we had a few hours to spend however we wanted. I chose a cozy seat on the edge of this cliff and had an awesome time talking with God while looking out at the mountains as well as down in the canyon (valley? I don't know CO lingo). It was sprinkling when I first sat down and it was thundering in the distance by a mountain which was SWEET. It was such a refreshing time with God. Then Alan gathered all of us together and sent us out to have more alone time guided by some questions he gave us. We were supposed to pray through them and listen to what God had to say. They were questions about our expectations for the summer, fears regarding the summer as well as fears for our lives, and how we thought God wanted us to grow through this internship.
As I answered the questions I realized I had a lot of fears. God also talked to me a lot about humility. I think that's one thing he really wants to teach me this summer. That's kind of a scary one to learn but I'll be excited when I become more humble. I think my pride really hinders me from spreading the kingdom. I want to hold onto it like it's something I should be proud of or something that is more for me than for other people, but that's not true at all. I'm praying that God breaks down my humility so I can more freely and fully share the gospel with others.
Alan really challenged me in the van on the way back on Saturday to think about how my theology has changed over time. I really want to think about that question. I wish I hadn't waited so long to type this though because my mind is shutting down. What I talked about with Alan when he asked me that is my theology about evangelism. I no longer believe that there is always this one point conversion. Some people experience that, but not everyone. And I don't think you have to pray the prayer to be a follower of Christ. Look at Peter. He started following Jesus before he even knew who he was. When was his point of conversion? When did he become a Christian? He just took steps every day towards Christ and became an apostle. Why do we try to make it this mass production thing?