So many thoughts...

I don't know where to start! I've had so many thoughts and challenges placed in my mind since Wednesday and I have no idea how to hold onto everything or how to sort through it all. I'm sure I've forgotten over half the things I learned (which I hope isn't really true). I hope I've retained things somewhere in my brain, even if I can't get to them right now. I'll have to trust God with that one.

Friday I met up with Alan, his wife Julie and the interns to go camping in Canyon City. I was looking forward to it so much, and it turned out to be better than I hoped it would be. We drove about an hour in the party bus , passed the skydiving place where Alan proposed to Julie and then made it to the campground. I had been craving to spend time alone with God in his creation and this camping retreat was exactly what I needed. After lunch we had a few hours to spend however we wanted. I chose a cozy seat on the edge of this cliff and had an awesome time talking with God while looking out at the mountains as well as down in the canyon (valley? I don't know CO lingo). It was sprinkling when I first sat down and it was thundering in the distance by a mountain which was SWEET. It was such a refreshing time with God. Then Alan gathered all of us together and sent us out to have more alone time guided by some questions he gave us. We were supposed to pray through them and listen to what God had to say. They were questions about our expectations for the summer, fears regarding the summer as well as fears for our lives, and how we thought God wanted us to grow through this internship.
As I answered the questions I realized I had a lot of fears. God also talked to me a lot about humility. I think that's one thing he really wants to teach me this summer. That's kind of a scary one to learn but I'll be excited when I become more humble. I think my pride really hinders me from spreading the kingdom. I want to hold onto it like it's something I should be proud of or something that is more for me than for other people, but that's not true at all. I'm praying that God breaks down my humility so I can more freely and fully share the gospel with others.
Alan really challenged me in the van on the way back on Saturday to think about how my theology has changed over time. I really want to think about that question. I wish I hadn't waited so long to type this though because my mind is shutting down. What I talked about with Alan when he asked me that is my theology about evangelism. I no longer believe that there is always this one point conversion. Some people experience that, but not everyone. And I don't think you have to pray the prayer to be a follower of Christ. Look at Peter. He started following Jesus before he even knew who he was. When was his point of conversion? When did he become a Christian? He just took steps every day towards Christ and became an apostle. Why do we try to make it this mass production thing?

A Day on the Party Bus!!

So today was a pretty awesome day. Tiring, but still pretty awesome. I went into the office at 8am for my first official day of work where I was fed Einstein Bagels and Starbucks coffee (a GREAT way to start the day!) and met up with the other 3 interns. I finally met Andy, the other intern and found out he's from Detroit! Weird! So that was pretty cool.

We spent the morning sharing a bit of our stories, telling about who we are and how we got to Vanguard. Then Alan started introducing this conecpt of 4-D ministry - What it means to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. He asked us to describe each part, and what that looks like for our lives. It was really good for me to be challenged in that way because I feel like I always run over that verse quickly and think that I know what it means, but I really don't. What does it mean to love God with each of those 4 dimensions?

Heart - passions, desires, who you are
Soul - the eternal part of you - accessed through worship, prayer and the Word
Mind - your thoughts, decisions you make
Strength - energy, sleep, Sabbath

So then we discussed how we feel about these different categories and which ones come naturally, and which ones we have to work on. For me heart and soul come easiest and its mind and strength that I struggle with. Mind especially. I'm just not good at using my brain. I know that sounds so funny, but I just really feel like I am not a good thinker, and I don't like applying my brain in that way. That sounds so terrible! But I just get exhausted when I really try to focus and think about things. But I feel like that really happens when I try to think the way others around me do, but that's not how I'm created. I need to think by journaling to God or talking things out with people. I need to see that as using my mind and believe that glorifies God just as much as the ways other people think and use their brains to love God.